EMPOWERMENT

You know how I like to be in control.  Well, I wasn't tonight. I went out for pizza with a friend of mine and her daughter.  I love this friend.  When I was in the throws of my deep bipolar depression, she used to pick me up and drive my daughter and me to soccer games because she was scared to death that I wouldn't make it to an out-of town destination.  She was a special angel watching out for my daughter and me.

As the three of us sat outside talking and eating pizza, however, I was getting more and more frustrated.  I wasn't able to spit out what I was trying to say.  I couldn't remember words.  I used the wrong words.  I stammered over words.  These are not things I used to do. I remember a couple of years ago complaining about these problems and having medical professionals play them down.  It made me angry then and this situation makes me angry now.

I can only assume that as Parkinson's progresses in me, its interference with my speaking and thinking is going to continue and possibly get worse.  I certainly don't have any control over the ultimate effects of the disease on my speech.  However, I can do something that might slow down the deterioration of my ability to communicate.

You see, there are exercises for the brain.  If the brain is not used, it will atrophy.  As I understand, humans get into ruts and use the same"brain waves" over and over.  This causes other unused "brain waves" to "sleep."  Brain exercises wake those "brain waves" up - a good thing.  I've looked at brain exercises on Luminosity.com, Brainmetrix.com, and Freebraingames.com.  On the last cite, I tested my brain age.  It was 67.  I'm 54.

So, I've decided to regularly do brain games.  I'll never know if the games will help.  But I know this.  If I don't do the games, then I will have done nothing to even possibly slow the deterioration of my brain.  If I do the games, I may actually slow down any dementia that might be in my future.

This certainly isn't control.  But, doing something - anything - is empowering.  The games let me believe I can do something that might diminish  - if even a little bit - the effects of my Parkinson's.  I can't control the Parkinson's, but I can control how I react to it.


Gayle M.