CHOCOLATE v. PARKINSON'S

Did I make myself clear in my last  post?  This whole language communication thing just bugs me every which way but loose.  It really makes me angry. I resent that I'm losing my ability to articulate. 

Some people patronize me by saying something like "we're all losing our minds."  Not like me, you're not, Buddy.  I made a living putting words together - on paper and verbally - to write a retirement plan or to negotiate a deal or to politely tell the exempt organizations division of the IRS that they could go to hell because they were wrong (yet again).  In fact, I once had an IRS reviewer whose region covered Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee, tell me that I was the second most difficult lawyer with whom he had ever dealt.  Now THAT is something I like to hear - that is zealous representation.  And I achieved that status with my words  - with my vocabulary and my ability to express to that reviewer just exactly why my client was in compliance with whatever qualification issue he wanted to dredge up.  And I could recite the applicable provisions of the law.  (BTW, I doubt if he used correct grammar.  He probably said "that he ever dealt with."  There's a grammatical error that gets in my shorts.)

It's like some athlete who has been told he'll never ski, or run, or play football again.  But here's the difference:  I'm not interested in being some made-for-TV movie hero where everyone cries at the end of the movie because the athlete has found a way to stay in his vocation sporting a full body cast.  I want to be a person who is able to get through her half of a 6-piece, deep dish pizza using a minimal number of incorrect words.  Zero would be preferable.

So, here's what I am: PISSED OFF.  I debated whether to use those "cuss words."  I try not to use them.  But - and this is not a surprise - I can't think of any other words that adequately express how I feel about what is happening to me.  I'm PISSED OFF about what is happening to me. When something bad happens, my therapist has been known to ask me, "Did anyone die?"  Now?  No, but you know what?  I don't care.

So are you wondering what happened to "I'm-going-to-play-brain-games" Gayle?  Well, this morning I was trying to explain something to someone and I couldn't think of the word "tense."  It was right there, bouncing around in my skull.  I could see it.  I could feel it in my shoulders. But, I couldn't catch it. I couldn't pull it in.  So I said "stressed," but that just doesn't have the same meaning.  

Also this someone is a physical therapist.  Every time she asked me to do something, like lay down on my back, I had to repeat it and she had to repeat it, and then I had to think about before I really knew what she wanted me to do.  And today, well, I'm just not in the mood to take one on the chin.
So, are you wondering why this blog is labeled "Chocolate v. Parkinson's?"  Well, when I started writing this, I was going to write about foods that are believed to fight dementia.  Then, I couldn't think of a word.  So, I became frustrated and started down a different theme.  One of the foods I was going to mention was chocolate - dark chocolate - at least 70% cocoa.  I'll talk about the others later.  Right now, I'm going to go eat a piece of chocolate and calm myself.


Gayle M.